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This was sent to me from a business friend of mine.

Funny stuff!

IF YOU'VE EVER BEEN CALLED FOR JURY DUTY.....THEN YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS IS PRICELESS!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place..
_____________________________
>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________ ______________
>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>WITNESS: Yes.
>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>WITNESS: I forget.
>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

______________________________ _____________
>ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
>WITNESS: We both do.
>ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>WITNESS: We do.
>ATTORNEY: You do?
>WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________ ______________
>ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________ ______
>ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
______________________________ _____________
>ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>WITNESS: Are you ****ting me?
_____________________________ ___________
>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>WITNESS: Yes.
>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>WITNESS: Getting laid
______________________________ ______________
>ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>WITNESS: Yes.
>ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>WITNESS: None.
>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________ ______________
>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>WITNESS: By death.
>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________ ______________
>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________ _______
>ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
______________________________ ___________
>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
>WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________ ___________
>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
______________________________ ______________
>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________ ________
And the best for last:

>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
>WITNESS: No.
>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>WITNESS: No.
>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>WITNESS: No.
>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
>WITNESS: No .
>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
 

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This reminds me of a recent event. A census taker came by our house and asked my wife some questions. One was: Your husband Robert, is he male or female? After asking the question they remarked "That was stupid wasn't it?"
With so many gay marriages going about, that question might soon become quite normal.
 
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