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Discussion Starter #1
Ok, Heres the deal,
Jerry as you know, was a Great Joke Teller, and I believe he still is. I know some of you may Question what I am going to say, because of the way he passed, he May not have gotten the ride up to Heaven. But Jerry prepared for a few days, I believe he did what was Nec For him to be hanging out making T-shirts right now, For All out loved ones that are up there in Heaven, and Telling Jokes.
So Lets get a Thread going,, To celebrate Jerrys Life.
Lets tell jokes, alot of jokes,, gotta keep em clean so we dont get in trouble,
But Lets get some smiles going, threw the tears, and get those jokes a rolling.
p.s
this is not one of my strong points ,I am a terribe Joke Teller.
 

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A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North ...
A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian.
So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies.
"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Sven.
"Ok," the Norwegian said, "my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?" "Search me," said Sven. "I give up, who vas it?" The Norwegian burst out, "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota!"

http://jokes.comedycentral.com/joke_of_day.aspx?adjustDate=
http://jokes.comedycentral.com/joke_of_day.aspx?adjustDate=1
 

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A man call the hospital saying my wife is is pregnant and her contractions are just one minute apart ..
- on the other side : is this her first child?
- Not this is her husband !!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Tight Skirt, Bus Stop
One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!" Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."



http://jokes.comedycentral.com/random_joke.aspx?joke_id=7484
 

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This is great! I hope I can remember a good joke so I can contribute. Thanks for the jokes! I'm sure JB is watching and having a good laugh.
 
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Another one..
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
:eek:
 

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An elderly couple are travelling, and stop at the gas station to fill up. The husband is becoming increasingly annoyed with the wife, who will not admit that she has become hard of hearing.

The gas station attendant (yea, it's an old joke) asks the man "would you like me to fill up the car?"

The wife says: "huh...what did he say?"

The husband says: "he asked if we want the car filled up, I told him yes"

The gas station attendant asks: "would you like me to wash the windshield?"

The wife says: "huh...what did he say?"

The husband says: "he asked if we want the windshield washed, I told him yes"

The gas station attendant says: "I see you're traveling...where are you from?"

The wife says: "huh...what did he say?"

The husband says: "he asked where we're from; I told him Atlanta Georgia".

The gas station attendant says: "I was in Atlanta once...I met a woman there...worst %&*$ I ever had in my life"

The wife says: "huh...what did he say?"

The husband says: "he thinks he's met you before".




Thank you very much folks...I'll be here all week...don't forget to tip your waitress.
 

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A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North ...
A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian.
So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies.
"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Sven.
"Ok," the Norwegian said, "my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?" "Search me," said Sven. "I give up, who vas it?" The Norwegian burst out, "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota!"

HA HA, funny. I am no good with jokes either but will try to think of some to keep up
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Hey Chris, just go do a search and find that that tickles ya,, it will put smiles to our faces too,,
thanks
 

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I know some of you may Question what I am going to say, because of the way he passed, he May not have gotten the ride up to Heaven.
Not me. If I believed in a God it would be a loving father. JB was a good, kind man and he was in pain. God would embrace him and comfort him. If there is a Heaven then that is where JB is right now. No doubt about it in my mind.

A joke...? For some reason this one came to mind...

Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?"
"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.

"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.

"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling. "I'll climb into your crib and find out."

He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.

"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.

"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell?"

"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy, "you've got pink booties and I've got blue ones."
:eek::)
 

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Discussion Starter #18
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
 

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thanks sandy jo - great idea for a thread! i don't know many of us that can't use a smile today...

Scotch and Water

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,
"I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.."
The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming right up," the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
The old woman replies,
"Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."

"OLD" IS WHEN ... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"
"OLD " IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN ..."Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today
"OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom.
AND
"OLD" IS WHEN ... You are not sure these are jokes.
 
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Discussion Starter #20
HaHaHahhhhhhhaaaaaaa, Jan those are great,,, I loved em,,
thanks for putting some in,, I am hoping to keep this going at least till Jerrys Funeral on Thursay at 10:30, Kinda a lil sendoff, for Jerry, I know we would all like to be there for the Service, but just not possible for alot of us.
So lets tell jokes and celebrate his life,
 
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