thefactionist,
The following is in the spirit of constructive criticism. I'm tired and grumpy right now so this may come off more harsh than intended.
If I had the money, I wouldn't invest in your company based on this document alone. It is a good manifesto and well written, but lacks one very glaring group of information: the hard numbers...
I like what you've done with this manifesto. And it is one that you can spread wide and far without compromising the specifics of your company. But I would create an additional document (an addendum) when submitting this to angel networks and/or for loans.
An addendum with:
- a specific cost/profit breakdown and how you get the numbers;
- where you get your supplies;
- do you print them or outsource them;
- do you have alternatives if you suddenly lose a supplier (for any of your supplies or services);
- sales numbers since you opened in March 09 (stated in document);
- projected sales;
- do you create all your own designs or have a group of artists you have cultivated relationships with;
- numbers showing you can provide micro loans within 6 months (as stated in document);
- how will you qualify candidates for microloans, track them, get your money back, avoid fraud;
- specificity about your "using the already-established relationships we have with college students across the U.S.";
- how do you keep track of accounting;
- how is incoming money used (including compensation) now , near future, far reaching future;
- competition - place a blank space or something between the description of the competitor and how your company will address that competitor... makes it easier to not "eye drift" past you having a specific plan to deal with them
- pg 17 "Self-knowledge" doesn't actually describe how you will address and overcome the inexperience issues you state - desire is great, but how are you going to learn;
- pg 17 "A compelling story." says that you are "five college kids", but the Team page (pg 18) only states that 3 people are part of your team. Where are the other two? What is their status?
- pg 19 "Status" - Now I understand...
- pg 19 "Status" - Specifics on all loans that you have taken out
- pg 19 "Legal" - can you more clearly define "incorporate only when necessary" - changing business structures with business partners can be messy
I'd be fine with posting this online too... since it includes minimal specifics. It's a good passive attempt for funding. Honestly, it reads more like a press release than a business plan. In fact, I get of small feeling of disingenuousness about your company when you call it a business plan. This is probably just me. But I feel it so a few others might feel it too - and you would want to keep that group to a minimum. However, I do like the document.
But, if you decide to actively apply for funding, I would include the points above (and more) in an addendum. This will ensure that your specifics will not be released into the public and allow you a chance to securing funding in an active manner. Being a student, you could probably "bribe" a business student to help you by promising one free tshirt of the next 10 designs or something along that line.
Hopefully you take this as constructive criticism and my general irritation didn't affect me too much.
Example Business Plan - The Factionist 
I'll try to make it a bit clearer on the web site then just *exactly* what we're providing.
